A new baby is a blessing–but sometimes a big sibling may not see it that way. While many children are delighted to have a baby brother or sister, it’s understandable that big siblings may be dubious.
Whether your child is excited or apprehensive, all big siblings need a little preparation for the journey ahead.
How you prepare your child for a new baby is mainly up to their age and understanding of babies. The following suggestions are broken down into age-appropriate categories.
Be Realistic About New Baby Habits
It’s easy to just squeal over cute baby clothes or look forward to baby snuggles. These are a wonderful part of infancy, but there are realistic challenges and changes you need to prepare big siblings for.
Babies cry. They wake up at night. They require a lot of mom’s attention. They need a quiet space to sleep. If your big kid doesn’t know these will happen, they will feel caught off guard and may have trouble bonding with their baby sibling.
For every age, there are many excellent books you can check out at the library that will help your child get a more realistic picture of life with a new baby.
Toddler
Baby dolls are an excellent way to prepare both boy and girl toddlers for the new baby. Teach your toddler how to care for the baby: hold it, feed it a bottle, wrap it in a blanket, etc. Especially as you get closer to your due date, practice a routine like wrapping the baby, feeding it a bottle, and laying it down for a nap. Then play quietly (toddlers love to say “shh!”) while the baby sleeps.
Pre-K and Kindergarten
Children at this age have a better understanding of an infant’s needs, but they will still need lots of repetition for what life with an infant will be like. Your big kid might be apprehensive about how these changes will affect them, so be sure to present these changes realistically but joyfully.
Early Elementary
Early elementary-aged children may be able to understand how their family is changing the best. They could be the most excited, or the most apprehensive or resentful. If they are struggling to accept the new changes, give them lots of understanding, but also include them in preparing for the baby. Let them pick out the nursery color, their going-home outfit, contribute to the gender reveal, or even the name.
Spend Special Time Together
One of the biggest uncertainties big siblings feel about a new baby is whether mom and dad will love them the same. This is an understandable concern because newborns do require so much attention. Even in the preparation phase, there’s so much to discuss, plan, and buy, and it’s easy for a child to assume their parents love their new sibling more than them.
Besides reassuring your child that you love all your children equally, it’s vital to carve out time that’s just you and your older child. Starting this while pregnant will help ease any anxieties your older child has about a newborn taking extra attention.
Toddler
Toddlers may not be able to express what they want to do with you that feels “special.” This is partly because anything you do with them feels special! You can include them in just about anything you’re doing, from cooking to folding laundry, and this will be a bonding experience for both of you.
But don’t limit yourself to daily duties; a little effort goes a long way with this age group. Instead of just giving a snack, make it a little tea party with special cups and plates. Construct a blanket fort before snuggling to read books.
Many toddlers have a tremendous amount of energy, and their love language is through rough play. There are plenty of ways to incorporate rough play while maintaining safety, such as tickle games, pillow fights, or letting your child run away from you while you’re the “monster.” These are delightful bonding experiences for your child that fill up their love cup.
Pre-K and Kindergarten
At this age, your child loves to choose what they want to do. So let them have fun with choosing something special to do. Perhaps you watch a movie, read a book, paint fingernails, or go on a walk. Pick something you can talk while doing, so your child can open up in ways they haven’t before.
Early Elementary
Children at this age may shy away from intentional parent-child time. But an excellent way to spend special time can be letting them stay up a little later to do a fun activity with you. Choose an activity that lets you talk, and ask intentional questions to help them express themselves.
Involve Older Siblings in Preparing for the New Baby
A way to help older siblings be excited for a new baby is to involve them in preparation for the birth.
Toddler
While toddlers may be indifferent to preparations for a new baby (they won’t care whether the nursery is baby pink or ballerina pink), it’s still fun to incorporate them in decisions. Let them pick out a special toy to give to the baby, buy them matching outfits, and talk about names.
Pre-K and Kindergarten
Children at this age may want to be the most involved in preparations. Luckily, they can actually be good helpers! They love to open packages and arrange things into baskets. Let them pick out something cute for the going-home outfit. Make and freeze postpartum treats for easy snacking.
Early Elementary
Early elementary kids have the greatest capability of helping. They can help assemble and arrange the nursery furniture, fold and put away new clothes, wash bottles, and more. You can also show them how to make basic meals or snacks so they can feed themselves if you’re caught up with a crying baby at mealtimes.
Be Understanding About Their Apprehension
We’ve all seen the videos of a pregnancy announcement where the big sibling throws a fit. It’s funny and sad at the same time because, of course, parents want their big kid to be happy with them. But it’s also understandable for anxiety to overwhelm big siblings, and this causes them to feel apprehensive about a newborn.
The best thing you can do as a parent is listen to your child and be understanding.
Toddler
The cause of toddler apprehension is often because of misunderstandings. Perhaps they think they’re being replaced, you don’t love them anymore, or you wish they were different. Clearing these up usually turns their fears into genuine excitement.
Pre-K and Kindergarten
Children at this age may already have one or two other siblings, so their fears may be more based on their current relationship with younger siblings. They may not want to share their toys, room, or clothes with anyone else.
You can remind them how an infant’s needs are different from those of a toddler, and they won’t be taking their possessions any time soon. It’s ok for them to feel confused or sad right now. But as a baby grows, they will feel genuinely excited to share things with their sibling because it’s exciting to see how a baby grows.
Early Elementary
To a child of this age, a newborn can feel like a wrench is thrown into their lives. They may worry what their friends will think, if they’ll be able to do their old activities like sports or dance, or if you’ll have any time for them.
Let them share all their anxieties, disappointments, and fears without interrupting. Don’t diminish how they’re feeling, but validate any reasonable worries. It may take extra time for early elementary kids to warm up to having a baby sibling, but remaining understanding and loving towards them will eventually win them over.
The Best Prep for Siblings: Penguin Crossing Academy
Believe it or not, Penguin Crossing Academy is one of the best places to prepare your child for a baby sibling. Making friends with peers who have baby siblings can relieve a lot of anxiety as they hear their experiences. They will also see babies daily, which can help them comprehend what their own sibling will be like.
You can even make friends with another family in the infant classroom so your older siblings get a glimpse of what it’s like to hold or play with a baby.