The Terrible Two’s is infamous for being the most challenging years of child-rearing. As toddlers grow in their mobility and communication, they want to assert their independence, even if their choices aren’t what’s best for them. When a parent tells them “no,” a meltdown is likely to ensue.
But as any parent with older children can tell you, meltdowns don’t stop once the toddler turns three–or four or five, or even older! The meltdowns just evolve as the child gets older, even if they’re not rolling around on the floor.
Meltdowns are something every parent has to deal with. Here are some tips that will help you handle meltdowns, no matter the age.
Stay Calm
Perhaps the most important approach to dealing with meltdowns is your demeanor and presence with your child. If you match your child’s frantic energy or force them to calm down by asserting your dominance, you can cause further damage.
Children mirror what you model. The best thing you can do for your child who is in meltdown mode is to stay calm.
Think about staying calm from your head to your toes. Your face should be relaxed and kind, your voice calming and understanding, and your body language should be calming. When your child sees that you’re not angry at their tantrum, they will calm down much faster.
Stay Consistent in Discipline Methods
There are dozens of discipline methods for meltdowns, and it’s the parent’s responsible to explore which method best fits the needs of your child. But once this method is chosen, it’s essential to stick with it, even when times get tough!
Consistency is crucial for a child’s development, and this includes discipline. When a child never knows the repercussions of their behavior, there’s less incentive to respond maturely. Why not have the biggest meltdown to see what mom does this time? But when a child knows that their meltdown will result in a consistent outcome, they are motivated to listen to your instruction on calming down.
Of course, there will be times in which it is challenging to stick with your discipline method. Perhaps you’ve had a long day, are battling an illness, or are under a lot of stress. Consistent discipline is hard, and it’s easy to let discipline slide. But your child is counting on you to be consistent no matter what, and for the good of your child, follow through with your commitment.
Reward Positive Behavior
Good parenting doesn’t just give consequences for bad behavior, but also rewards good behavior. Your parenting job is made ten times easier by not just punishing the bad, but by rewarding the good.
Your child’s room is messy, and you’ve told them to clean it up. They know that having a meltdown results in losing tablet time, but you’ve told them that cleaning up their room earns a trip to the park. Your child is not just incentivized by losing tablet time, but also by getting the reward.
While rewarding good behavior is important, parents have to be careful to not fall into bribery. Children shouldn’t need a treat or reward for doing as you ask. Sometimes simply avoiding the consequence of a meltdown is a positive reward in itself. But don’t underestimate the power of showing pleasure towards your child when they obey!
Children want to please their parents, and they will feel aptly rewarded when you show your genuine enthusiasm. Consider how these statements would motivate your child:
- “That was so fast!”
- “Thank you, that was such a big help to me!”
- “I’m so proud of you for doing what we talked about”
Try one of these or tailor them to your child’s specific needs and watch their eyes sparkle. You will feel a spark of joy in your heart, too.
Give Choices
Sometimes meltdowns occur because a child feels trapped into only one option. If the situation allows (but before a meltdown occurs), give two or three choices. Letting your child choose can eliminate a meltdown altogether.
Bonus tip: Your child is most likely to choose the last option you give them because that’s the one they remember. So if your child can choose a dessert at the party but you’d prefer they choose a cookie, you can say “Which would you like, a brownie or a cookie?” and they will likely opt for the cookie.
Prep for Better Choices
No matter how well you’ve handled your own emotions, used positive rewards, been consistent in discipline, or given choices, your child will still have some meltdowns. Part of this is just human nature, and part of it is developmental. Children still have to learn how to overcome meltdowns, so don’t be discouraged if meltdowns still occur.
Once your child has calmed down and can calmly understand you, it’s essential to pave the way for them to make better choices in the future.
Review the situation together, gently showing how their choices led to the consequences of their actions. Then explain what would have been an appropriate response and encourage them to make better choices. Of course, it’s always good to remind them that you love them.
Take Initiative Today
No matter the age of your child, it’s essential to take charge of meltdowns.
If your child is in or approaching the Terrible Two’s (or is a Threenager), save yourself time and turmoil by not calling meltdowns “cute” or “funny.” As your child grows, these meltdowns will only get more challenging to handle. Your future self (and your future child!) thanks you for dealing with meltdowns now.
If your child is pre-K, kindergarten, or older, and is still experiencing meltdowns, the exhortation is the same! Don’t hesitate to assemble a game plan for handling meltdowns. The only difference between younger and older kids is you can talk through these meltdowns in more depth (what triggered it, how they felt, what kept them from making good choices, what to do next time, etc).
Growing Self-Control at Penguin Crossing Academy
At Penguin Crossing Academy, we know that meltdowns happen. Our teachers are trained to be kind and compassionate with children having meltdowns and how to respond appropriately in a classroom setting. We also seek to work alongside parents, supporting your measures at home, and we rejoice with you when children gradually overcome their meltdowns.